Mr. Pipette Man (song)

Adam Regelmann (MD-PhD) bypassed a career in gastroenterology to co-found Quartzy. He also eschewed a highly lucrative songwriting career, as evidenced by this pipette-tapping ditty Adam (aka Dr. Dre-gelmann) penned with his brother (David Regelmann, MD) in 2010. Mr. Pipette Man was slated to be the first single off their debut album, Boyz-n-the-Fume Hood, but the original track was dissolved in a hydrofluoric acid accident. It was recently miraculously repaired and remastered for your lab’s listening pleasure.

Performed and produced by David Regelmann, MD


My undergrad days came and went

Struggling to find my way

Hot summer and my sweat’s lament

Friends mingle at a chic soiree

My spongiform mind growing fungus

Late nights with ramen for one

The force of our bond was humungous

Then you left when things got fun

I’ll never forget how it all began

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

A world of volume fits snugly in my hand

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

Picked myself up to start my new job

Where I met you, ready to prime

My yearning heart started to throb

My cofactor to your enzyme

Whether Gilson, Eppendorf or Rainin

Our time together is ecstasy

I was adrift in the sea of my chagrin

You brought me to the port of accuracy

And when it comes down to people or plastic

I know some might think my decision is drastic

But with you I find I can study the liver

And when you eject my periportal zone quivers

And you’re so refined when I bring you to parties

And back to the lab to dispense antibodies

Back again to the party, mixing drinks to perfection

All your versatile ways, there’s no room for objection

From 2 to 1,000 microliters you span

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

I spin your dial, just ‘cause I can

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

It’s you I love, Mr. Pipette Man

Quartzy is the world’s No. 1 lab management platform. We help scientists easily organize orders, manage inventory, and save money. We’re free and always will be. Visit or reach out at

Interested in writing for The Q? Send us an email!

Greg Schindler

Greg has a BA from Stanford (English/Football) and MS from Oregon (Journalism). He's our Director of Marketing and Pastries.

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